She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
