who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
