Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
