Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
