Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
