I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
