big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
