god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
