she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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