i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
