I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
