you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
