I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize