just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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