Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
