I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
