Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize