508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
