Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize