dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
