cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize