god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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