dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
