awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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