Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He felt like a one man threesome
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
