I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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