Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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