like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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