im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
