Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When are your genitals available?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
