best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize