just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
