I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
