Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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