I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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