He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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