WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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