Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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