My ATM looks so different sober.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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