every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
