don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
