i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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