She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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