She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize