I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
now i know why i became what i already was.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
