i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
