If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
