I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
