I must be too annoying 4 u.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
