Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
