I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize