Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What a dumb baby whore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Of course I have a pirate flag
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
