Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
