that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
