ya dads aren't the best wingmen
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
