NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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