Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
