I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
