I hate your face
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize