Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
