its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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