i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
