you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
