ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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