all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The uberlube is also flammable
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize