Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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