Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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