Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
