This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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