i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
