your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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