He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
