The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
