...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
