She is in my trunk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't notice because vodka
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
