Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize