Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im holly from the hills drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
