you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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