STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I puked a lego.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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