i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
