2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i think my cat just said my name.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
