Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
