the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
