dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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