So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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