i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
