As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
