dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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