even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
