So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
