We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
