Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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