if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
