Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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