wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize