I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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