sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
