How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
