So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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