He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
