Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
